2nd Album

by BJ and the Bitches

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    If you download this album, you will receive not only this cock-rock we have the audacity to call Audacity-processed music, but you'll also get the fine-ass album art in the form of the back cover (looks baller!) and the gatefold (they know what a gatefold is??? How indie!!!) as well as a what-tastic bonus track! YOU NEED THAT BONUS TRACK!

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Every band has that dreaded second album, where the band claims they went off to a cabin for inspiration, and come back with a pile of pseudo-avant-garde crap (or "rubbish," as the band would say) that they wrote on a typewriter for no reason, recorded on ridiculously expensive technology that has no business in a cabin and the linear notes contain scanned photos of the journal entries they wrote in a moleskin notebook as well as the copy of "On The Road" they read for inspiration and..... well you get the idea.

The result disappoints fans and confuses critics.

But BJ AND THE BITCHES were smart and cleverly avoided attaining a following either commercially or critically, successfully averting the age-old "second-album stigma." Ditching the cabin for the interiors of their cars, the typewriters for the laptops they got for graduation because many of the members are rich white people, and On The Road for the Shin Chan, BJ has created a significant effort to diverge as far from the formula as possible... for the worse!

Recorded between January and October 2012 (though most of it was between June and October, let's be real), "2nd Album" picks up where their 12th-grade-themed eponymous debut left off, exploring the many polarizing feelings and emotions and instinct to force your band to be "avant-garde" that characterize the difficult period that is the 'high-school graduate'. As a matter of fact, there's even a little 'community college student' in some of these tracks! The Bitches probably would've called this album 'The Graduate' if that wasn't the name of every indie rock album/band in existence. Or a movie.

This album also marks the arrival of a REAL DRUMMER named Ben Blas, a person who can ACTUALLY PLAY GUITAR, renowned New York-based emcee DJ-Rulz and like 50 other people who you can find in the gatefold (gasp! Gatefolds??? (see below))!

If you download this album, you will receive not only this cock-rock we have the audacity to call Audacity-processed music, but you'll also get the fine-ass album art in the form of the back cover (looks baller!) and the gatefold (they know what a gatefold is??? How indie!!!) as well as a what-tastic bonus track! YOU NEED THAT BONUS TRACK!

So download this FREE album, friends, and relish in the poorly-constructed and nonsensically grouped-together collection of effortlessly-mixed lazy compositions that is...

2nd Album.


released October 31, 2012

Produced by BJ and the Bitches, Aaron Gates, The Blases, Diane Siverly
Recorded in The Hooligan Hut, Blas Residence, River's Car
Special thanks to Hippy Dan, Hippy Dan, Hippy Dan, Hippy Dan, Serge Qureshi, GG Allin, Gucci Mane, Wesely Willis, Berkely, Seth, and Juice, Based God, Aaron Gates and Aaron Sorkin. Special thanks for nothing to SoGreatandPowerful
Featuring the photographic work of Annastasia Nichol, Daniel Keller, Alice Hart, and Sara Bjelke
Song-writing and performer credits can be found on that whacky gatefold INCLUDED IN THIS FREE DOWNLOAD!!!!




BJ and the Bitches Des Moines, Washington

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Track Name: Reggae Man
Reggae man don't complain too much,
Reggae man is a man of leisure
If reggae man don't behave as such,
reggae man have a seizure.

Reggae man embarks on a quest
Reggae man seeks redemption
To redeem a history of incest
Reggae Man crosses dimensions.

the Reggae Man
He preach life lessons between hookah sessions
the one and only
Reggae Man...
My name is Mancel.

Reggae Man working 6 days a week
Reggae Man needs a vacation
Reggae Man maybe convert to sikh
Reggae Man need change in location


Reggae man needa to goa to the store-a to gets milk cheese and eggs-a pizza-a hit on baristas get new iPhone case start new plan with ver-i-zon-a eat dinner with wife beat wife start account on eharmon-ey-a
time to go meet new potential wife at local bowling alley she say "hey thats not what you said you look like" i say "neither do you" we bowl smoke bowl go to local motel have hilariously short sex i ask her to please not tell other potential wife-friends end night both disappointed


Reggae Man get call the very next day,
Reggae Man lose custody
Wife accuse that he's addicted to drugs
Judge look at Mancel and say "he must be"


So Reggae Man reclusing to the north shore,
They sure to understand Reggae Man there
New neighbors find Reggae Man passed out on floor
Reggae Man say first impression not fair


Reggae Man

Not a fan

of Reggae music

A very poor title it is.
Track Name: Fobbio
E F#
The boy runs red lights and stop signs,
G# B G#
The boy is too bad to even mind,
The kid gets Coke with his, vegetarian meal,
Every woman wonders if they can get that lad to feel, yeah.

They approach, with their hearts on their hem,
Asking if he'd like to get a vegetarian meal with them,
But the boy slams shut his locker, flips his bangs and drops his head,
For that boy can't even express what he'd rather do instead, yeah.

E F#
Look out cause Fobbio's in town,
B G# F#
He gets around, he gets around, even if nobody knows it,
Hide your girl cause Fobbio's in town,
He gets around he gets around, and he smells awfully pleasent, yeah.]
You can't put him down,
Fabbio's in town.

Now Fabbio sits in the cafeteria solo,
Shoulders higher than his head, just like in his school photo, yeah.
The football player kids, man, they try to start any trouble they can,
They try to push Fobbio as far as he can stand, yeah.

But Fobbio just sort-of glances their way and then immediately glances back at his food,
these jocks just lose it for this boy's just way too rude, yeah.
They fear his hypothetical, use of martial arts,
And the boys recluse to let him steal their girlfriends' hearts.


Now Summer's come, and it's Fobbio's time to leave,
A million honeys hangin on his Fubu sleeve.
Some say he's gifted, while others say he's blessed
All I know's this town's forever changed for the best

You can't put him down,
Partly cause he left this town,
You can't put him down
Fabbio's in town
Track Name: Uii (Cold Nights Part 2)
As I crawl into my bed,
I feel a stirring around my head,
is it the remnants of days, or maybe new timey ways,
that I choose to use to go about life instead.

I've been awake for many a night,
thinking of how several scenarios might,
transgress in manners different than all the hours,
that I had spent, steering things in an unkind light

Cold Nights
Leave me be, what do you try to do to me?
I can never prepare, for Cold Nights.)

I spell the names of all my foes,
on a paper in neat and tidy little rows,
and I pick up my phone, and call their homes
to find out if my answer lies in all those

names that I have so written down,
I'm making sure I've acquitted, safe and sound.
But they all sound the same,
they still think I'm lame
And I remember why we hate each other clearly now


And I know you think that you're better than me,
but who's the one who got into Harvard before she turned 16?
But nobody listens, to the gal with godly visions
I'm gonna show them something they wish they'd never seen!

I take a walk to clear my brain,
and the day just so happens to call for rain,
"fuck you, sky, won't you just choke on your bloody rag and die,
I'm not in the mood for your pissing games"


And I venture into the store,
see the girl that I used to accuse of being a whore,
So I ask her how's it hangin, and I ask her who she's bangin?
and she takes her leave looking somewhat sore.

(punk break)

And I still don't know
what everyone's problem is,
just a bunch of freakin preps hangin round these parts,
They don't deserve a chance,
But maybe, they'll change their stance,
when they hear what I've recorded and labeled art.

I know that you say that you have seen the truth,
but maybe I am not so blessed,
for I know what I
need to be satisfied,
And its a way to fill what I've always missed.

Track Name: Pretending Not To See You
Have me tumbling end over end
Staring at who I once called my dearest friend
Now I sit but never stare
at how the wind whips through her hair
Attacking forces me to Defend

Verse 2
I know that I fell hard off the grid
Played around, acted like a kid
It hit so hard when you left
Victim of a silent theft
Call me crazy for staying as long as I did


Tilting at windmills and grasping at straws
I know its me you see right through
There's hell to pay when this ice thaws
but until then
I'm pretending not to see you

Verse 3
Stopped at the crossroads of a woven lie
You look my way as traffic passes by
Staring through an open gate
Screw that, you sealed your fate
I hit the gas and utter a soft goodbye


Bridge 1
Now I sit but never stare
At how the wind whips through her hair

(Bass Solo) (River go crazy)


Bridge 2
Halfway through August
Baulking at College
Without a pack
You're holding me back

Now I sit but never stare
At how the wind whips through her hair
Track Name: 2 + 3
I'll get existential
with the
new fangled rays of by-gone days
in ways you'd never know unless you had a stereo
the barrio is varr-ey popular on people's sonars

keep it fresh like John Tesh like on the court
and sort it
like circus contraption contort it

leave the fleas to me's
I like being on my knees
if you know what i means
but i don't think you do

because if I have room (and I do) then I'll assume
you assumed this reffered to fallacio
and it don't and be assured i won't
reffer to blowing jobs, but perhaps blowing smoke
and so be assured i'll only refer to reefer
let your mind sink and stink of smoke as my rhymes bring you deeper.

Let the flow hit you harder than I hit that John Doe
In the ro--
Talkin Joe Mud
2001 hit David Spade film
If you catch my drift.

Some accuse me (excuse me)
Some BITCHES make accusations that perhaps there is no relation
betwixt what I spit here or what I spit here again.
Rest assured and you can heed this as my word
that I have absolutely no idea what I'm talking bout.

Not focussed
as unique as a locust
Man realization is quite a time for moi
to figure out how out one must be to succeed.
Super powers from golden showers
its a staple of every good graduate's breakfast.

Taking time in between my every rhyme
to see that me and you have the proper tools to wreck this.

Dropping bombs on your moms but I use a car alarm
cause even I gotta say that my neighborhood is hectic

Where do I go who do I see to see that ever-E
week is full of cheeky rhymes and tunes that I make in my room

Droppin beats on my mac
A lack of fat stacks
Using pennies and dimes to shine my butt crack.

Watching ironic demographic TV-shows
barely sustaining my life with sustenance like burritos
getting mad ounces of burrito sauce on my keyboard
Run out of burritos so I go to the store to get more burritos.

Vomiting blood and burrito innards into my toilet on a super sunny sunday afternoon
watch it boil like Cambles ala Rockin River on the sidewalk in this fine mid june
Finish vommiting and add more Sriracha to my burritos and then eat more burritos.

Get my thurmous and put some of that aforementioned Cambles ala Rockin River inside for later
head to work
on the bus i twerk
for money which one usually only gets from schooling and eating cheap like eating chutney
But in times like these who's complaining
nobody makes it raining
and so Cambles ala Rockin River will do just fine.

Do the math my man, (if you can)
the only style that I can see for miles
is a couple of mills and distilleries of hillbilly
the billy in me won't stay on a hill you see
so I gotta stay fresh
like the
john tesh
who aint got but an ounce of billy in He.

Back to the math, oh boy, this will make you laugh.
I got an urge to purge all my knowledge
so I that I make better rhymes than the average joe
like "knowledge" and "college"

But I digress again so let me just say sonny,
the real money comes from schooling and eating cheap like eating chutney

its a disappointment but if you'd let me then I'd bet
theres a future for you, boo, in subbing lets.

2 + 3.


Eat a dick.
Track Name: Amy The Girl
She's a girl (x 2 verses)
Girl's are scary (x 2 verses)
I'm afraid to talk to girls (x 2 verses)
If I do then they will spit a toxic web at my body (x 2 verses)
I'm safe at my computer (x 2 verses)

Amy the Girl

There was this one girl named Amy,
she was mega cool,
and when I allowed her to get close enough to me,
cause I figured, you know, maybe girls ain't that bad,
she freaking stabbed me in the eye

I'm a one-eyed monster now (x 2 verses)
There are villagers outside my house (x 2)
My mother brings them lemonade (x2)
I found this thing called misogyny, it looks like my kind of thing (x 2 verses)

Amy the Girl

And when I see Amy, or perhaps just girls that look like her,
I walk up, and I ask for their names,
And so far, every one that I've met is named "Holy cow, a one-eyed monster!"
And so I play for these unanimously named females in distress, a song on my guitar, and it goes a little something like this:

I like DOTA (x 2 verses)
I like bitches
I like Madoka Magica (x 2 verses)
She's a girl (x 2 verses)

And when I'm done, I look up to see the girls who look like Amy have long since gone,
And every day I think:
Curse you, Amy.
Curse you up your butt, you eye-hungry son-of-a-witch

She's a girl (x 2 verses)

Ladies and gentlemen, the villagers outside my house:
(shes a girl) (x infinite)
Amy the girl!
Track Name: Sometimes, You Gotta Let The Faggotry Flow
I hope you fucking die
Choke on lye
Not like I
Give a shit
If you got air in your lungs,
or what you choose to do with it.
You're only worth being alive
to make others look better
Take the teet out your mouth
and put a loaded gun in instead or
you should knock off the faps
and buy a lap
so you knock off the faggotry
and learn to be a manly chap
you suck enough to account
for the entire population
You're the leader of the newest ass-sucking sensation
You aren't worth your weight in jars of your own spit
Cause your the kind of ass who takes insults as he sits.
And you'll keep taking it till you convince yourself better
So make a note to yourself and take down my letter here:

Keepin good grades is a lot of work
and it takes a lot of energy to get in a twerk.
I've seen you on the dancefloor and I like what I see
what do I say to a day of coming home with me?

A guy like you's got a lot goin on
and it seems like you always be writin them songs
You got a large
And it goes hand in hand
with you being the finest looking
in the finest of lands.

You seem a little distressed so if I may, may I stress
that you're one cool dood and you pass all the tests
that it takes to impress an aging fart like me
I've met a lot of cats in my years of 23

You got the inner workings of leader of peace,
so you should respect yourself and know that on the eyes you're a feast.

There's a whole lotta emotional heroin chic going on,
but you don't really need it for you to write a good song.

Cause sometimes, what's just as good as singing of hate,
is a track to show you're back to being your own best mate.
And that's kind of why I wrote this, so I could sort of say,
that you're a fucked up mother but I love you that way.

I wanna take you home and show you some love
I gotta responsibility to nurse back a dammaged dove.
Just let your life slip into these hands,
I know what I'm doing so just let me be the man

Just relax,
never tax
whatever's gotten you this far
the strength of your will is just simply bizarre
I've never seen a trudge like this in all of my days,
but you're a tough motherfucker and I love you that way.

You've seen a lotta shit, and you've done it on purpose,
If you're looking for sadness, man I've got it in surplus
Maybe it's time we sit back and chill,
You're only 18 so you've got time still

To be the kinda person you know you've gotta be
You won't find someone with more faith in you than me,
but even I like to sigh when the going gets rough,
How many times do I gotta say you're the motherfucking tough?!

So think of this as just a reminder my bud,
That even though you kind of suck you're still worthy of love,
a kids gotta keep that head from sinking too deep
anybody can trip on a hill thats too steep.

I hope you fucking live
enough for the millions of persons
who don't know they're worth mo'
than other people's assertions
let's replace that barrel for something more sterile
like and mic and lyrics that'll raise the hairs of
you and only you because that's all you need
to impress
never stress
over the way that you are seen
I can tell you right now that there's no one in this life
that's worth more than you and I know you know that I'm right.

You've fought the hardest battle and you've come up on top
you've cleaned up the first verse of this song with a mop
and this might seem cruel but you can do it my friend
that you'll be fighting this battle every now and again

it takes balls to drop a long track just to show
that sometime everyone has to let their faggotry flow.
Track Name: Blackborgg Makes Soft Rock
Walk walk walk around the club
keep keep keep your wallet close,
There's, threats, threats always around you,

Sounds like Blackborgg's Making Soft Rock again...

Give, thanks, to whatever lets you live
Long enough to see another darkened day,
Eat, eat, enough to keep yourself from dying

Sounds like Blackborgg's Making Bubbly Pop again...


Find, find, find financial income
So, you, can keep up on the mortgage,
You, live, payment back to payment,

Sounds like someone let Blackborgg speak at Al-Anon.

Sleep, is, keeping you from living,
Life, is, only but producing,
There, is, never enough to produce,

Sounds like Blackborgg is getting hopefull agian....


Death, is, the only just reward for life,
Life, is, the penalty for being birthed,
Es, cape, is selling your console halfway through,

Blackborgg's sounding negative,
The robot needs his sedatives...

Keep, your power from ever going out,
Happiness, is, only what you can always have,
Fear, the natural state of nature,

Sound alarms and rub your charms,
sell the stocks on all the farms.

Think, think, to keep yourself above the others,
Re, lax, and let them get the best of you,
Be, safe, in a state of constant moderation

Sounds like Blackborgg's back to his natural state.

Face, face, when information benefits you,
Turn, turn, when information scares you,
Feel, safe, in still-captured fleeting joy

That's my boy, doing it right,
Blackborgg's getting laid tonight.

Abnormal strength overwhelms the law,
Before the bodies can thaw.

Jaw ripped off when mutants hurt the population.
Rounded up in a tower for vacation.

Bikers form a genocide towards cars.
But they're too lazy to leave their bars.

World ends at 4 as my relatives run for the door.
Kicking me down to the floor.

Winds are strong so I am lifted up,
shocked by cords, it's just my luck.

Darkness after death, nothing else, stuck with my thoughts and no need for health.

Keep keep keep faith that this isn't it,
Pray, pray, pray that after this you'll go somewhere,
If, that, helps you get that mortgage,

It'd be great to reincarnate,
I can do this for eternity too.
Track Name: Miles and Gertrudis
To the children of my lover
There's no alternate or others
That I'd rather see to bear my family's na-a-ame,
For you two are the center
And the two I'm proud to mentor
As you grow and show how you will seek your fame.

Now even though you aren't born yet
And I'm not sure I can know yet
If you two will ever see the light of day-ay-ay,
If you somehow make it here
There's some things I'd wish to make clear,
And that's that this what you need to hear me say:

Oh Miles and Gertrudis, the two lights of my life,
I'm honered to have helped out in your grow-ow-ing,
And you can always take pride in our know-ow-ing,
That I can't wait to find out who you'll be
It just ignites a song in me!

Gertrudis you were named after
A woman who brought me laughter
And I wanted you to bring others the sa-a-ame,
But I don't doubt much for while
You will make all others smile
They will grin without the need to know your name.

You are strong and independent
And your name to you has only lent
Support and evidence that this is tru-u-ue,
There'll be trouble that you need to face
But if you just remember thes
You'll be stronger then I envission you!

Oh Miles and Gertrudis, my two most closest friends,
The light aint always brighter round the be-e-end,
But on our watch you'll now know how to me-e-end,
The wounds you will sometimes contract
You'll come out cross the bend in tact

To my son you were named Miles
Cause that title makes me smile,
And that's something that I've always been big o-o-on,
(Cause) while it can't always be sunshine
I know that shining son of mine
Will be able to see light before the dawn.

Son if I ever leave you
Or there's days when I don't see you
I don't want you to believe that I don't car-ar-are,
For nothing less than death
will ever let me lose the breath
I use only to see you know I'm always there.

Oh Miles and Gertrudis, we think you'll turn out fine,
Like wine life only gets better with a-a-age,
But see me not as profit or a sa-a-age,
For most the rest is up to you,
A well-taught heart will see you through.

If I ever leave your mother
Then I hope you'll never wonder
If my own er-ror was influenced by you-ou-ou,
Cause I know sometimes it seems
Like me and her act kind of mean to each o-ther but sure nothing we say is true.

I'll leave before I hurt her
Cause those kind of words can nurture
In you kids something I never wanted there-er-ere,
And I'd have to be a twat
To see you'd be subject to that
And in both your parrents' eyes that isn't fair!

[repeat 1st chorus]

And just like that, from children's trash,
like Phineas, Ferb and Rainbow Dash,
I'll be hoping you can drink responsibly-e-ey,
For we can't be together all the time,
You're both the greatest friends of mine,
I'll proudly give you both front door keys.

So take the lessons that I've given
With a grain of salt or seven,
For that's not what I need you both to see-ee-ee,
But I truly hope you know,
That There's no length I wouldn't go,
To help you be the very best that you can be!

Oh Miles and Gertrudis, I couldn't have asked for more,
For you two are what gives my life its me-ea-ning,
I can't wait for you to know this lovely fe-e-eling...

And I guess neither can I.